As Kudda is involved w/ multiple sports we get to see the coaches for each of these sports. And yes, they are very different for each. Now while I don’t want to infuriate coaches by labeling them w/ stereotypes, there are some qualities that are prevalent w/in the various sports. Again, I’m not bashing them, just pointing out some of their tendencies w/ a little humor.
Today, we start w/ the easiest to identify: the soccer coach. And let’s start w/ the single most recognizable feature of the soccer coach: their apparel. True soccer coaches only wear Adidas… to wear anything else reflects total and complete ignorance of that coach’s part. Think back to your Jr High days when everyone had to wear the right clothes and if you didn’t, you were an instant outcast. Multiply that by a hundred and you understand the soccer coach. Basically the same as Jr High minus the pimples. If there is ever a piece of clothing more associated and identifiable w/ a sport…it’s Adidas and soccer. Red or black sweatsuits are the only option for the true soccer coach to wear. Therefore red/white or black/white are the only color options for the team’s uniforms. Need to make sure that the uniforms match the coach’s sweatsuit. Speaking of teams and their colors… what’s up w/ the names? Does every soccer team need to be named after a natural disaster? Earthquakes, Twisters, Lightening, Thunder, Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Avalanche, and Cyclones. What about Drought? Famine? Oil Spill? Sorry, I digress onto a tangent… Back to the soccer coach.
Not only do soccer coaches have to wear a black or red Adidas sweatsuit, they have to have a foreign accent. The guy could be an extra for the Sopranos but once he gets near the soccer field, he instantly turns into Braveheart’s William Wallace. He refers to everyone as “lads” and the field becomes the “pitch”. It’s never “Two to nothing”, but rather “two to nil.” Perhaps there were some phenomenal English coaches back in the day and coaches feel that if they sound like them, they’ll be just as good as them? I’m thinking of airline pilots all trying to imitate Chuck Yeagar’s West Virginia drawl.

I’m sure that I’ve left out some other obvious nuances of soccer coaches and I’m hoping that folks will add their own to the comments section below…not that we’re bashing soccer coaches